I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

From the depression, nausea and constant burping of the first trimester, to the sciatica, sleeplessness and anxiety of the last; the elation and terror of early motherhood right through to the end of breastfeeding and her child's first day at nursery - these poems describe one woman's journey to becoming a mother. This initiation is one of the most common human experiences, but also shockingly unique and insular. Poems Burping on the Tube, Candy Crush Guy and Super-mum and Me, tell humorous stories about Grace's alien new reality, shining light on aspects of pregnancy and motherhood far from the glossy, shimmering images on social media. Mostly written in lockdown, ‘I Have No Idea What I'm Doing’ also highlights what life at home was like for new mothers. Grace has always struggled with anxiety and depression and this collection addresses mental health and how it is affected by hormonal fluctuations. Much like life and motherhood, most of the poetic structures are unpredictable and their rhythm bumpy and non-conformist. These poems dive deep into raw human experience and the sheer ferocity of motherhood. With beautiful monoprint illustrations from animator and artist Allegra Pilkington, this book is both a gift and collector's item.